An elderly Iraqi woman claims that two bullets hit her house Tuesday after a coalition forces raid on Sadr City.
The woman cites the Magic Bullet Theory from the Kennedy Assassination, saying that the first bullet entered through the front door at a downward angle of 17 degrees, destroying her brand new 3-Panel Oval Craftsman Pella Door. It then moved upward in order to leave the door, destroying a brand new Waterford Crystal Chandelier, where it waited 1.6 seconds, turned right, slashed into her original Warhol Cagney Print and bounced into her La-Z-Boy recliner in pristine condition.
A second bullet entered her kitchen in a spectacle of explosions, destroying her brand new Sub-Zero refrigerator, nicking the rustic contemporary marble counter-top, where it did a miraculous 180-degree turn and speeded towards her living room. There the bullet waited for 2.3 seconds and entered a Sony Bravia XBR 52" 1080p Flat-Panel LCD HDTV shattering several components before exiting and then entering, then exiting, then entering a new Pioneer Elite Blu-ray High-Definition Disc Player with Standard-DVD Up-conversion — from which it later fell out and was found in almost "pristine" condition on her sand floor.
The woman has filed a $1.5 million lawsuit against the coalition forces for property damages, pain and suffering, loss of enjoyment in life's pleasures, and emotional distress.
Written by Dignan
