The Original UnOriginal: Movie Posters at large. » hamlet 2 quotes http://theoriginalunoriginal.com We believe in nothing. Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:35:44 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Why Haven’t You Seen Hamlet 2 Yet? http://theoriginalunoriginal.com/the-original-blog/why-havent-you-seen-hamlet-2-yet/ http://theoriginalunoriginal.com/the-original-blog/why-havent-you-seen-hamlet-2-yet/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 01:12:51 +0000 Dignan http://theoriginalunoriginal.com/?p=1138 We’re all to blame for not seeing this comic masterpiece. Hamlet 2 (Waiting for Guffman meets Dangerous Minds) is piss-your-pants funny and it only did $4.8 million at the box office. Enjoyed six full weeks on the big screen before they pulled the plug. I guess when you have Jesus in a wife-beater T-shirt dancing with a bunch of high school kids singing “Rock Me Sexy Jesus,” you’re bound not to connect with middle America. What the hell, do yourself a favor and enjoy it on DVD. HD Trailer, screencaps, soundtrack and Hamlet 2 quotes after the jump.

Synopsis from the official site:

“The hit, the very palpable hit” of the 2008 Sundance Film Festival, Hamlet 2 is an irreverent comedy centering on one teacher’s overzealous quest to mount a high school musical. The film is directed by Andrew Fleming (Dick, Threesome) from an original screenplay he wrote with Pam Brady (South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut, Team America: World Police); the stars are Steve Coogan (Night at the Museum), Catherine Keener (The 40-Year-Old Virgin), David Arquette (the Scream movies), Amy Poehler (Saturday Night Live), and Academy Award nominee Elisabeth Shue as herself.

Mr. Coogan portrays Dana Marschz; the last name is pronounced…oh, any attempt is close enough, really. Dana is a failed actor-turned-high school drama teacher. Shortchanged in the talent department, Dana still harbors ambitions and passions. At work, that is; his personal life, with his dissatisfied wife Brie (Ms. Keener) and their boarder Gary (Mr. Arquette), leaves much to be desired.

At Tucson, AZ’s West Mesa High School, Dana sees himself as an inspirational teacher. But his adaptations of popular films, as performed by his top students Rand and Epiphany (Skylar Astin and Phoebe Strole, both stars of Broadway’s Spring Awakening), are not resonating. When his latest – re-creating Erin Brockovich – is dismissed by the 9th grade drama critic and his department is targeted for closure, Dana must reach deep into himself for creativity.

After much perspiration, he conceives a sequel to Shakespeare’s Hamlet – a musical-theater extravaganza that will disdain both political correctness and dramatic credibility. Rallying and rousing his class, Dana casts a wider net by recruiting transfer students like Ivonne (Melonie Diaz of Be Kind Rewind) for key roles. With rehearsals underway, objections from school officials and the community are soon raised, but Dana will not be denied his freedom of artistic expression. After all, “to thine own self be true.” Dana gets unexpected support from ACLU attorney Cricket Feldstein (Ms. Poehler) and his favorite actress, Elisabeth Shue. Above all else, he fervently believes that his opus must be staged, and nothing can break his optimistic spirit.

Hamlet 2 Quotes:

Dana Marschz: Chuy, you’re going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it’s always going to be better than Tucson.

Dana Marschz: [to Cat] What the fuck is your problem, man?

Epiphany Sellars: I still get nervous around ethnics.

Cricket Feldstein: You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I’m married to a Jew, I’ve got nothing to lose!

Dana Marschz: [in commercial] I’m having a herpes outbreak, right now — but you’d never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!

Dana Marschz: It’s getting late… and my wife is ovulating.

Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
Dana Marschz: Uh… yeah.
Cricket Feldstein: Y’know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, ’cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!
Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
Dana Marschz: It was?

Dana Marschz: It’s a slippery slope… beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!

Epiphany Sellars: What about the acting?
Rand Posin: [reading their play's review] “It is perhaps best not to mention the acting. In the theater, actors endeavor to simulate human emotion. Rand Posin and Epiphany Sellars flap their lips and wave their arms like malfunctioning wind-up toys…”
Dana Marschz: That’s enough! Every trimester we get fisted by this guy!
Epiphany Sellars: [to Rand] What’s “fisted”?
Rand Posin: [genuine or feigned confusion] What?
Dana Marschz: I have so much anger. I feel like I’ve been raped. In the face!

Dana Marschz: Oh my god, writing is so hard!

Dana Marschz: Goddamn macho bastards and their fear of the arts!

Brie Marschz: Maybe it’s better that we just can’t get pregnant. I feel like we shouldn’t pass on this gene pool.

Check out Hamlet 2 soundtrack on iTunes or Amazon:

    1. Rock Me Sexy Jesus by The Ralph Sall Experience featuring Phoebe Strole & Skylar Astin
    2. You’re as Gay as the Day is Long by The Ralph Sall Experience
    3. Someone Saved My Life Tonight by The Ralph Sall Experience featuring Phoebe Strole & Skylar Astin
    4. Raped in the Face by Steve Coogan, Phoebe Strole & Skylar Astin
    5. Maniac by The Ralph Sall Experience
    6. Curtain Falls by Ralph Sall
    7. I See a World by All Too Much
    8. Guitar Sweet! by Ralph Sall
    9. What It’s Like by Everlast
    10. Sleep by All Too Much
    11. Gone by All Too Much
    12. Move Your Groove by Interstellar Force
    13. The Look of Love (Part One) by ABC

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