Cannonball, Cannonball Coming!  Bill was pulled over in downtown Stockholm early Sunday morning for driving very slow – in a golf cart.  From Yahoo News:

Police officers spotted the "Caddyshack" star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police.

"He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation," Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. "So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in."

Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said.

Let's just say I'd fuck Bob Dylan.

James Brown was more of a fuck machine than a sex machine.  Wikipedia list his number of children at 5 sons & 3 daughters (with eight grandchildren and four great-grandchildren).  Now it looks like we could possibly add 10 more kids to the list:

A woman has proven through DNA testing that she is a child of the late James Brown, said a longtime adviser to the soul singer. The woman is the third person to determine through DNA testing done after Brown’s death that the singer is their father, Buddy Dallas told The Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle on Monday.

. . . these ingenious college atheists found an incredible way to exercise their free speech. ’smut for smut’ is a way to not only rid yourself of toxic religious bolly hoo, but to also help you build a strong, lasting personal relationship with one of the more useful products modern society has blessed us with: kleenex. you take your old bibles and other religious materials and, much like the toys for guns program, you trade them in for some porn.

Midget Wrestler Caleb Smith was also known by his ring name El Dopa. His signature move, the Trackmark, was feared throughout the industry.

"He was a great wrestler," said friend, enemy, and occasional tag-team cohort Dodgeball. "First he would get you into a headlock. Then he'd spin you around, get you real dizzy. Then he'd turn you over and pile-drive you."

El Dopa frequently grabbed the microphone away from announcers and created a daunting impression in a single-piece white spandex costume with a white, horse-shaped mask: "First I'm going to get you into a headlock. Then I'm going to spin you around, then …."

"He built his image around heroin," said frequent opponent Slam Spade. "But it wasn't believable. That guy was muscular."

And as it turned out, more muscular than even his friends knew. Last week Mr. Smith turned a routine orgy with a girl's volleyball team into a scene of tragic carnage.

"Simultaneously asphyxiating six active females with dental floss is not easy," said local police chief John Deer, "even for a non-midget. We've only seen it done once before. but when you're 'roided up like that, anything can happen."

Steroids. Apparently Mr. Smith was so imbued with them that his testicles had retracted all the way into his brain, lodging themselves behind and protruding his eyeballs, driving him insane.

"It's a tragedy," said ex-wife Linda Kemp. "He wasn't like he was portrayed in the ring. I mean he was a real asshole, but wasn't violent on a regular basis. Every now and then to let you know being a midget didn't mean who couldn't keep his women in line. But I had no idea he was capable of this. Not with dental floss."

When one of the biggest movie stars of our time opens his mouth and begins  preaching science fiction as fact and lectures Matt Lauer on the dangers of modern psychiatry (Ironically, Philologist Allen Upward used the word “scientology” in his 1901 book The New Word as a synonym for “pseudoscience,” long before L Ron Hubbard founded the “religion” in 1952), I lose value in the celluloid he passes off as entertainment.  Now that I’ve got that out my system, Original UnOriginal proudly presents the Top 10 Movies Ruined by Scientology:

10. Tie!  Mission: Impossible & Vanilla Sky

First they kill off one of the most elegantly understated and brilliant actors of our time, Emilio Estevez, in the first ten minutes of the film.  Combine that with Tom Cruise, explosive chewing gum and you find your movie in the number ten spot on our list.

Use the Fork Luke, use the Fork!