This looks like a great movie.  That being said, we're fully aware that bad movies have great trailers.  Simon Pegg (Shawn of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) stars in a movie directed by Ross (from that TV show called Friends) and written by the always funny Michael Ian Black.

New Line Cinema has created a little game for the marketing of their new movie Shoot 'Em Up with Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti.  In this game,  you're an idiot who sits in front of your computer and shoots at innocent, shadowy figures to see some tits.  Your good friends at OU have done all the hard work for you:

I have no clue who the original author was, but this is damn funny:

1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay – it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat…"Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only suks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they Flame out too.

It's amazing what a black light can find:

This should be a warning to men everywhere.  After you serve your crazy wife divorce papers, don't think that casual sex won't have its consequences.

Ballard told MyFOXPhoenix.com that the couple was in the middle of sex when the alleged attack occurred.

"She was on top and she reached out of a bag and pulled a knife out of a bag and drove it into his chest," Ballard said of the incident.

For fun: a horrifying Tab ad in which the voice-over/jingle consists of what sounds like a mellow pedophile cajoling the ethereal, high-pitched superego of a 14-year-old, eating-disorder afflicted girl: "he wants you with a good shape" and "be a mind-sticker". Hat Tip Beyond Madison Avenue.

MOSCOW – I'm sure every man out there just felt a cringe creep up their legs and settle uneasily into their crotch from simply reading the title of this post.  Unfortunately, this story is true.  A man was just sitting on his couch naked, drinking some vodka and enjoying his favorite TV show when his ex-wife came in and lit his dick on fire.  Asked if the man would recover or not, a police spokesperson said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Ignorance fuels inevitability.
Would Bill O'Reilly give Neil Cavuto a reach-around? C'mon Bill. Pretend you're a loofah.